Okay I readily admit that I may need professional help with this.
I swore I would never become one of those dads who lives via his children, you know… the ones who make fools of themselves at 3 year old soccer games or the ones who push there kids into doing something they don’t want to do, only to try to make up for their parent's own inadequacies.
I am very sorry to report that I may have strayed close to that line.
The Awanas (Drew’s Awana Bible school program) was having a “Pinewood Derby Grand Prix.” From the moment I heard, something from deep within, from long, long ago suffaced.
If you are not failure with the Pinewood Derby – it’s a race where kids – usually in cub scouts or groups like Awanas – are given a pinewood block and 4 wheels. It is up to the kids to cut, shape, paint and prepare their “race car” for race day. I did this long ago back when I was 6 or 7 – and I got smoked! I still have scars of those painful memories.
So being a good parent – I couldn’t let Drew get “smoked.” Of course with Drew only being 2 ½ - he would need some help. So he told me he wanted a blue car that looked like one of the cars from the movie “Cars.” So that is what I helped him build. Okay… that is what I built for him.
Of course I got on the internet and found all the tricks of the trade. Drew was not going to feel like a “looser” like I did (ok – maybe I’m exaggerating a bit?) So we built him a car, a nice car. Drew really liked the car and off to the races we went.
I must admit – I was pretty proud of Drew’s car. I had the car maxed on weight and I was pretty sure we had a good shot placing if not winning. This race included all ages of the whole Awannas program, pre-school to 5th grade, 50-60 some kids total. It would be no easy feat, but we were up for it. (I say we, but I’m not even sure Drew knew what was going on).
So they ran multiple heats of 4 with the top two moving on to race again. About half way through they call for Drew’s car “Charlie” – he named it, don’t ask how. I took Drew to grab his car off the table and hand it to the guys starting the race.
And then the moment of truth. They lifted the gate and the cars took off. They zoomed down the track and the blue car won!
Unfortunately it was not our blue car, ours, Charlie, came in third. His night was done and so was mine. My heart sank with disappointment and I quickly looked for Drew to see if the sadness was more than his little heart could bear. Then I found him… he was off running and playing and laughing with all the girls – he was having a blast with all the kids – he could care less about a stupid car race. But what about me, what about my investment, what about my dreams? All gone in 4.78 seconds.
The races when on as I sulked over my cold hot dog and potato salad. They eventually found a winner and I was relieved – as we could finally get out of there and go home. We just had to sit tough the self loathing trophy ceremony. They handed trophies to the top three finishers – but then I noticed three more trophies sitting on the table. They then announced for the first time, to my knowledge, that there would be 3 trophies given for car design.
Fist the “Third place trophy” went to a little girl who must have had a father wishing for the boy he never had. The “Second place” went to a little boy who very much resembled one of the judges. And then… like a voice from heaven… “Charlie – First Place for Design!” Everyone exploded in applause for me – I mean Drew. The kids ushered Drew up front to garnish his prize, my heart filled with joy and all was right with the world once again.
And then… the cold chill of reality and embracement covered me. For everyone in the room knew that a 2 ½ year old undoubtedly did not build that car. Then it hit me – I had become “that dad.” The dad who could not let kids be kids but had to prove something from his own youth.
We still got “smoked” but we looked good doing it!
Okay – maybe I went a bit overboard for theatrical sake – but in all seriousness we had a great time. I liked building a car for Drew that he seamed to enjoy. Yes, maybe I did a bit too much and I did feel a bit guiltily for winning first place for design. But I did swear / promise Drew that next year it is all him. I just know that little guy better acquire some skills – because he has got some big shoes to fill!
I was very privileged to turn 32 in 
The theme of the retreat was “Transition,” it was as if it was chosen just for me. We had a wonderful speaker, Louise Wempel, who has been a SEND missionary for many years. She gave a wonderful illustration of an egg, carrots and coffee beans. In the illustration each is boiled. After the pressure of the “transition,” each is compared, the carrots turn to mush, the egg gets hard on the inside but the coffee beans, instead of changing, they change the water and make it better and we were left with the question of which we will allow Christ to create in us.
I could gush on and on about 
nests. 
